I lost my husband three years ago to cancer. It was a devastating time for me and my two daughters. I was married to my husband for 28 years. He handled the insurances, accounts and most everything. I felt like I was thrown into the driver’s seat right before impact. I was making life altering decisions for my husband’s last days and the future for myself and my children.
Don’t get me wrong. I am smart and capable of making decisions need to be made. It was that I had not made any decisions alone in 28 years. I was being pulled in so many directions. It seemed as though, everyone need their paperwork completed right then and there. I felt like for the longest time, I was not able to grieve. My children were looking to me for support, comfort, protection and guidance. They were my priority. I honestly don’t think I slept more than two hours a day for the first year after.
I did get to grieve, once I allowed myself. I was afraid that if I started to let go, I would able to stop. I was afraid I could not regain control of myself. You need to let yourself grieve. If you hold on to it inside, it will consume you.
My girls and I are doing well, we are settled into our new life. My daughters are laughing, smiling and moving forward. We still take our trip to Disney and celebrate my husband’s birthday as we have done since 2004. We can share funny stories without tears.
I know you feel lost and the weight of the world is on your shoulders. You feel like you won’t recover. Let God help you. He has counted every tear you have cried and He promises to be there for you. You will recover and God has an amazing plan in place for you. Trust him!
If any of you have questions or need to share, I am here for you.